Raiders of the Lost Ark

POOPER:
After all of Indiana Jones’ death-defying adventures in recovering it, the Ark of the Covenant ends up stored away and forgotten in a U.S. Government warehouse. (Thanks Curt, The Grand Poop-bah)
Long Version:
The year is 1936. Deep in the South African jungles, university professor/archeologist Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) finds an ancient tomb wherein lies a precious idol. He and his fellow adventurer Satipo (Alfred Molina) survive various traps (a large pit trap, venomous spiders, spikes and poison darts that fly out from the wall when various triggers are activated) and make it to the idol. Jones removes the idol from its pedestal and replaces it with a bag of sand. But the sand is too heavy, activating a trigger that causes the tomb to begin self-destructing. As the temple begins crumbling, Satipo takes the idol and tries to escape alone, only to be impaled on spikes. Jones recovers the idol and then runs for his life as a giant boulder that was loosened by the temple collapse begins rolling after him. Though Jones escapes the boulder, he is ambushed outside the temple by his enemy/fellow archeologist Belloq (Paul Freeman). Though Belloq gets the idol, Jones manages to escape him and his goons and make it to a waiting airplane. As they take off, Jones is freaked out by the pilot’s pet snake (snakes being the only thing Indiana Jones fears).

Back in the US, Jones is approached by emissaries of the U.S. military. They reveal that the Nazis are pursuing ancient relics, including the Ark of the Covenant (the Ark is where the ancient Jews kept the 10 Commandments). The Ark is rumored to have supernatural power sufficient to destroy entire armies. They ask Jones to track it down first. Though he thinks the supernatural elements of the legend are nonsense, Jones has long dreamed of finding this incredible historic relic. So he goes to Nepal to find his old mentor Abner Ravenwood, the man most knowledgeable about the Ark and who had possession of a headpiece for a staff that was integral to finding where the Ark was buried. There, Jones finds Marion (Karen Allen), Abner’s daughter and his own ex-girlfriend. She tells him that Abner died and that she lacks the funds to get out of Nepal. Though she’s still mad at how their relationship ended, Marion agrees to give Jones the headpiece for $5,000 (enough to fly her back to the US “in style”). Before she can give Jones the headpiece, a Nazi handler named Toht (Ronald Lacey) arrives and tries to get the headpiece himself. Jones and Marion manage to escape and fly to Cairo, where the Ark is known to have been lost. The pair (now working together) intend to use the headpiece to find its location.

In Egypt, Jones and Marion are joined by Jones’ longtime friend Sallah (John Rhys-Davies). The Nazis, led by Col. Dietrich and Toht, track them down and kidnap Marian (believing she still has the headpiece). She’s taken to an archeological dig site where she learns that Belloq is leading the Nazis in the search for the Ark. Meanwhile, Sallah and Jones manage to successfully use the headpiece to find the Ark’s burial place a short way from where the Nazis are digging. Much to Jones’ chagrin,they discover that the Ark is located inside a snake-filled tomb. Although the duo recover the Ark, the Nazis discover their dig site and surround Jones and Sallah. Belloq gloats that, as with the idol, he once again is able to take what Jones recovered. Dietrich has Marion thrown into the snake-filled tomb along with Jones, and they seal it off. Jones is able to topple a giant column into the tomb wall, breaking it open so that he and Marian can escape. After a thrilling fight, a huge car chase through the desert, and lots of explosions, Jones recovers the Ark from the Nazis. Sallah gets a pirate friend to smuggle Jones, Marian, and the Ark out of Egypt. Onboard, Indiana and Marian rekindle their romance.

The Nazis manage to track the ship using a submarine. Although they capture Marian and the Ark, Jones is nowhere to be found (it turns out he managed to swim to and stowaway on the submarine without anyone noticing). Belloq, Dietrich, and Toht (and a contingent of soldiers) journey to a nearby island where they intend to open the Ark in order to ensure that it’s genuine before giving it to Hitler. Belloq will also lead a Jewish ceremony (much to Dietrich’s chagrin) to activate the Ark’s powers. Meanwhile, Jones steals a rocket launcher and ambushes the Nazis, threatening to destroy the Ark unless they release Marian. Belloq calls Jones’ bluff, noting that as a fellow archeologist, Jones won’t destroy such an important artifact. The Nazis take Indiana Jones as prisoner too.

The villains perform the ceremony and open the Ark. The Ark soon begins emitting light and fog. Remembering the story of Sodom and Gomorrah (where god destroyed two wicked cities and all those who witnessed them), Indiana tells Marian to close her eyes. Spirits begin emerging from the Ark, which also shoots out lightning that vaporizes all the Nazi soldiers. The heads of Toht and Dietrich are melted off, and Belloq’s head explodes. A great pillar of fire then blasts forth from the Ark, and with all the Nazis destroyed, the Ark seals itself. Marion and Jones, having successfully kept their eyes shut, are the only ones left unharmed.

Back in the US, Jones has given the Ark to the Army. He is frustrated when they take him off the project, assuring him that they have “top men” researching the artifact. Though upset that the Ark is out of his hands, Jones is happily dating Marian. Meanwhile, we see that the Ark is not being studied. Instead, it’s been placed in a crate, labelled “Top Secret” and “Dangerous,” and is now stored deep in a government warehouse full of similarly marked crates.